


It's over and He's gone (But we're still here.)

by Beautiful_Beloved



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Feels, Hera is not okay, Hera talks to herself, Post-Series, Pregnant Hera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 08:19:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16280939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautiful_Beloved/pseuds/Beautiful_Beloved
Summary: Here speculates on... everything





	It's over and He's gone (But we're still here.)

So it was finally over. 

Hera walked through the plains of Lothal with no idea where she was actually going. She ran her hands through the tall grass, lost in thoughts and memories. Lothal had been where they had first met Ezra. Where Ezra and Kanan had come back time and time again, searching for something they had almost always found. Kanan had once said the force was calling the crew there for a reason, and Ezra had been passionate to free his home planet. They had, in the end. But she had lost both of them along the way. 

It had been two months since Ezra disappeared. Sabine was sure he was still alive somewhere. Zeb didn't talk much of it. As for herself...

Maybe Ezra was alive. As Kanan used to say: "The force works in mysterious ways." But her common sense said otherwise. She had counted him as dead in her mind for now. Another name to add to the list of ones she had lost that included her brother, mother, and Kanan.

Kanan.

"He's really gone." She whispered to herself. 

_Gone, gone_. The swishing grass echoed.

Her heart still cried out for him even now. She was slowly coming terms with the fact that he was dead. She would still cry at night, and have the moment of shock in the morning when she woke up without him by her side. But grief was nothing new to her. She would deal with it one step at a time, as she had so many times before.

"Gone." She murmured again into the wind.

Well, almost gone.

A faint smile brushed her lips as she lightly touched her belly. The bump had gotten bigger to the point she couldn't hide it under her flight suit anymore, opting instead for a light shirt and some cargo pants. She felt like her stomach had doubled in size in the past few weeks. In expressing this to the crew, Sabine had shrugged and said that it didn't seem that big, Kallus had assured her that she looked as beautiful as ever, and Zeb had been horrified by the whole process of pregnancy. 

Hera chuckled, remembering the look of horror on the Lasat's face when she had explained how her organs would move as her stomach expanded and the steps of labor and birth. 

"You've already made quite an impression, little luv." She said to her baby. Their baby. Her's and Kanan's. 

"Did Kanan know?" She asked the sky. "Did he know about our baby?"

Maybe if he had then he wouldn't have given himself up so easily. Or maybe that's why he did.

Hera pushed down the guilt that bubbled up in her chest with a sigh. Ever since Kanan's death, she had struggled with the fact that he had sacrificed himself for her. _Why_? She had asked him in her mind, tears streaming down her face. _Why did you leave me alone without you? You know we should have died together._

Stars, she missed him so much. 

She had found out that she was pregnant the day of the attack on the capital city. She had taken the test on a whim and sat in the refresher for who knows how long after, holding the positive test with shaking hands. So this was Kanan's legacy. A child. One final goodbye present, like her kalikori.

She snorted at the thought, glancing over her shoulder to see how far she had walked. The Ghost was still clear in sight, although one of the crew (Zeb most likely) would probably send Chopper out after her soon. Although she had reassured them time and time again that she could take care of herself, pregnant or not. "That doesn't stop us from worrying." The Lasat had mumbled in response. 

His concern was touching, she supposed. Despite being extremely annoying. 

Hera stopped in a clearing and sat down on the ground. The smell of the soil reminded her of the time her mother had taken her and her brother away to a farm for a weekend on Ryloth. She had spent half the time running barefoot through the fields, enjoying the feeling of the grass between her toes even though she had gotten scolded for it later. Now she still kicked her shoes off, flexing her ankles and enjoying the sensation of air on her feet. But it wasn't long before her hands itched for something to do. Reaching into the small bag, she instictually reached for her datapad (which she had pointedly left behind on the ship) but instead he pulled out a piece of the pilot console she had been meaning to fix. 

"See Kanan," She said aloud. "I can stop working when I want to."

With her hands suitably busy, Hera rambled as she worked, talking sometimes to Kanan or to the growing life inside of her. "I don't know what to do next, Kanan. For now I'm giving the crew time to rest and heal after losing you and Ezra, but they're getting antzy. Sabine especially. She's been running off more and more lately, staying out all day and sometimes all night. None of us know what she's doing, but she's assured me that she will call for help is she needs it. She is a woman now, after all. Zeb and Kallus have been spending a lot of time together, sparring and such. So its usually just me and Chopper in the daytime."

She paused, feeling the small flutters of their child in her stomach. "Yes, and you too little luv. I don't know what I'm going to do with you. The Rebellion has contacted us, but I don't know if I want to get involved. Wait, I take that back. I do want to get involved, but I'm not sure if its best considering," she waved vaugley at her belly. "this. Is it better to stay out of the fight until he's born? But then, where would he go? I suppose my father...."

She trailed off, biting her lip at the thought of Cham Syndulla. "I haven't even spoken to him since you, Ezra and Sabine went to Mandalore. I suppose I should but... I don't know what he would think. He wouldn't approve, I know that much. And Ryloth is still on thin ice, I don't know how safe it would be for a child. Besides, I want to be there for him as he grows up. I'll make sure he knows about you, Kanan. He'll know how kind and brave his father was. He'll know."  
Hera put down the mess of wires she had been fidiling with and put both hands on her bump, feeling a rush of wonder thinking about this child, this life that she and Kanan had created that had somehow survived through all of the torture they had been through while in Pryce's hands.

"I say he hypothetically of course." She said offhandedly. "It could be a girl. But I have a feeling he's going to be born a boy. Of course, you probably already know, Kanan. You and your "All powerful force""

-Talking to yourelf is a sign of madness.- The farmiliar binary of a droid cited behind her.

Hera whirled around. "Chopper!"

Her droid twisted his dome, the equivalent to an eye roll for sentients. -What?-

She shook her head "Did Zeb send you?"

-I cannot say, unless I want to be ripped apart.-

So yes, Zeb. "Well you can tell Zeb I'm fine." She turned around and grabbed her shoes, putting the console fragment back in her bag. "I'll be back in a bit."

-I was also supposed to tell you that Mandolorian female is asking for you.-

"Sabine is back already?" The girl had just left this morning. "That's strange."

-She called.- Chopper turned around and started his engine. -Goodbye.-

"Wait Chop, I'm coming with you." Hera pulled her shoes on with minimal difficulty, considering the size of her stomach. 

-Lasat will be pleased.- Chopper rolled beside her as they began the walk back to the Ghost. -When does baby human+twi'lek offspring arrive?-

"Same as yesterday, chopper. About five months."

-You're wrong! One day less than yesterday!- The droid responded snarkily. And his circuts seemed to find this hilarious, as he sped off,laughing in that Chopper way he did.

She huffed, watching him go. "Some things never change." People came and went, friends and lovers were lost. Family was gained and changed. But some things would stay the same. Even in death, Kanan's love for her would live on, a tangible reminder being the child she carried. And when he was born, things would change again. Maybe someday their family would be together, whole and safe. 

Someday...


End file.
